Tommy M was walking through the woods one evening when Mr Squirrel came by with a sack full of Beechnuts.
“Hi Mr Squirrel, what is there in your sack?” asked little Tommy.
“Read the previous line up you shmuck and leave my sack alone.” said Mr Squirrel.
“Mr Squirrel you’re awful cantankerous today! I think you need a hug!”
“Hug me kid and this won’t be the only thing I’m going to bury today.”
So Mr Squirrel skittered off into the woods, leaving little Tommy alone.
Tommy was sad after Mr Squirrel was mean to him. He started to snuffle a little bit, but said , “I’m a big boy! I’m not going to cry!” And he didn’t. So, Tommy kept walking through the woods, looking for his woodland friends to talk to and play with. “SCRAWWWWW!!!!” said Mr. Macaw, “Hi Tommy!”
“Mr. Macaw! So good to see you!”
“SCRAWWW!! Same to you Tommy, what are you doing in the woods today?”
“Walking, Mr. Macaw, talking to all my woodland friends.”
“SCRAWWW!! But we all hate you Tommy, especially Mr Squirrel. Now shutup Tommy and go away!”
Mr. Macaw flew off into Mr. Beech Tree No 475 and ruffled his tail feathers at Tommy.
“You guys don’t hate me.” mumbled Tommy, who was getting sad again. “I’ll find my other friends.”
Down the trail further Tommy sat down on a log to rest. He took off his shoes and put his feet into the stream. He wiggled his toes and thought to himself, “I wonder if my toes will get any bigger?”. Then out of the water crawled Mr. Snapping Turtle and looked up at him. “Tommy, why do you still come here?”
“To see all my woodland friends, Mr. Snapping Turtle. And how are you this fine day.”
“I’m hungry and you wiggling your toes like that makes me hungrier. So unless you want ‘em bitten off, I’d suggest you stop that.”
“Oh ho ho ho Mr. Turtle you’d never hurt me.”
“Tommy, I’d eat you alive right now if I had a bigger mouth. Make yourself useful and bring me something to eat. Freak.” And he swam back under the water.
“Oooo, Mr Turtle needs my help! I’m going to get him the best lunch ever!” And Tommy ran deeper into the woods. It was starting to get late, Tommy knew, but he wasn’t afraid of Mr. Dark at all. His woodland buddies would be there with him. And he smiled as he skipped through the woods, looking for Mr Turtles lunch. A few minutes later, Tommy came upon another stream, and there swimming around in there was Mr. and Mrs. Perch 1-22.
“Mr. Turtle likes eating fish! That’s for sure!” Tommy jumped in the water and started to catch the fish.
“Tommy, what have we ever done to you!” yelled the perch as he plucked them out of the water and onto the shore.
“You stink Tommy! We’re going to get you for this!”
Whistling, Tommy caught the rest of the perch and putting them in his bag he skipped back to where Mr. Turtle was.
“Mr. Turtle, I have your lunch!”. Tommy took the perch out of his bag and put them on the ground. Mrs. Perch 5 whispered to him, “I hope you die a horrible death, Tommy. Gurrrrggggglllee.”
Mr Turtle came up out of the water and ate a few of the wish, urinated on Tommy’s foot and waded back into the water.
“You’re welcome Mr. Turtle!” said Tommy, waving after him.
” …te me, Tommy.” Was all Tommy heard as Mr. Turtle dunked under the water.
“He’s my buddy, I love Mr. Turtle.”
It was getting quite late and the forest was starting to get dark. “I think I’ll go home now.”
Tommy was skipping back down the path whistling to himself, not far from home, when Mr. Owl flew past Tommy. “Whoooo is going to die tonight?” he said as he flew by Tommy.
“Oh ho ho ho! Mr. Owl, you’re so funny.”
“Run Tommy, run!”
The woods were now almost pitch black and Timmy was having a hard time seeing to far in front of him. “Home is close by, and I’ll get a hug from mom, and drink some hot chocolate and sit by the fire.” Little did Tommy know that on the trail ahead Mr. Wolf was sitting licking himself. Whistling happily Tommy was skipping along when BAM! Tommy fell flat on his face in a mass of smelly fur and sharp things.
“The H-monkeys are you doing Tommy? Watch where you’re going.” growled Mr. Wolf.
“Sorry, Mr. Wolf, it’s dark and so are you!”
“All I hear are excuses. Now go away before I eat you.”
“Oh ho ho ho, Mr Wol….”
“IF I HEAR OH HO HO HO ONE MORE TIME, I’LL CUT YOU!” yelled Mr. Macaw. “SCRAWWWW”
“Mr Wolf, do you think my toes will get any bigger?”
“Keep asking me questions like that and the only thing that’s going to get bigger is my stomach.”
“Is that a yes, Mr. Wolf?”
“You sicken me kid.” and Mr. Wolf walked away into the woods, where he caught and ate Mr. Rabbit. “Tommy save me!’ yelled Mr. Rabbit while Mr. Wolf feasted on his still living body.
“Ha ha ha, Mr Rabbit, you’re such a kidder!”
“I will end you boy! AHHHHHH!”
A few minutes later Tommy saw the light in the window of his house. His mom was in the kitchen, probably making his hot chocolate right now. He smiled brightly and walked inside. “Mommy, I’m home! I helped Mr. Turtle get his lunch!”
“I don’t care Tommy, Mr. Turtle hates you, so does the rest of them.”
“They are just fooling when they say that Mommy.”
“No really, everyone hates you Tommy, you’re 28 years old and still skipping and whistling in the woods calling everything Mr. or Mrs. It’s sick and unnatural. Just like you.”
“Do you think my toes will get any bigger mommy?”
“Sure, whatever, here’s your hot chocolate.”
“Oh boy, hot chocolate! You’re the best mommy.”
“Shutup Tom.”
THE END!
